Last Friday was “Black Friday” at our company.  I’m sure you know what I mean.  With the economy tanking, everyone knew that sales were down, costs were up, and that layoffs were coming.  What nobody knew for sure was who would still have a job at the end of the day and who wouldn’t.

It’s a horrible thing to go through.  Everyone runs around trying to look busy but no work is actually being performed.  How could it?  There are bigger issues to consider.  Every time two or more people get together, the first priority is to trade the latest rumors, opinions, or predictions.

And then it comes.  It’s your turn.  The skies seem to darken and it becomes difficult to breathe as your manager’s voice comes over the intercom, “I need to see you in my office.”  You can’t feel your legs as you walk down the hall in a daze while everyone looks at you with a sympathetic look that basically says  “dead man walking.”  And just like that, your job is gone.

How do you live through losing your job?  How do you possibly carry on?  How do you survive a layoff?

Part of You is Lost.

For most of us, our job is part of who we are.  It helps defines us.  Rightly or wrongly, most us identify very closely with what we do for a living.  What’s the very first question (at least for guys) that you ask, or get asked, right after you met someone for the first time?  It’s usually something like,  “What kind of work do you do?”

That’s what makes it so hard to deal with losing your job.  You feel like a part of you has died, and to some extent, it has.  You go through the same emotions that you would at the end of a love affair or the death of a family member.  So it might help to start by knowing what those emotions are so you can be prepared for them when they hit you.

The Phases of Grief.

Experts tell us that most people go through the following emotional phases as part of the grieving process.  Some people go through each phase pretty quickly and some get stuck in one phase or another.  The phases are:

• First is Shock.  You’re dumbfounded and dazed at the news that your job is ending.  You can’t think, you can’t feel.  You just feel numb.  Once the reality begins to sink in however, your initial shock wears off and you move to the next phase.
• Second, is Denial and/or Bargaining.  You can’t believe this is happening to you, no, you won’t believe it!  Or you try to “bargain” with your boss, or even with God, in order to reverse the situation.  However, once you realize that nothing is changing, you move to the next phase.
• Next is Guilt.  You begin to think that maybe it was your own fault that you lost your job.  You start thinking things like “if only I had worked harder” or “if only I hadn’t messed up that report.”  If only.  Unfortunately, a lot of people get stuck in this phase.  When you finally realize that getting laid off was not your fault, you move to the next phase.
• Anger.  Now you get pissed at your boss, at your company, at your coworkers, at everybody.  You seem to be filled with anger.  You think, “Well if they can’t appreciate the job I was doing, then screw them!”  This anger provides the energy that you’ll need in order to make it through the next phase.
• Depression - another phase that some people get stuck in.  You can’t afford to spend too much time here.  Yes, I know it feels good to wallow in despair but after you’ve counted up all your bills, gone through a couple boxes of tissues and wondered, “how are we ever going to get through this,” you’ve got to move on to the final stage.
• Acceptance and Determination.  In this last stage, you’ve finally come to the realization that your job is gone and that your boss isn’t going to call saying that it was all a big mistake.  At this stage, you accept what’s happened and you’re ready to move forward.  You’re ready to re-take control of your life.

It’s key to understand that everybody goes through these phases.  It’s a natural part of grieving the loss of your old job and the part of you that used to work there.   The trick is getting through these emotional phases as quickly as possible.  Obviously, the quicker you get through them, the sooner you can get back out there and begin to put the pieces of your career back together.

Here are some tips that will help you move from one phase to another.

Moving Past It.

First, get yourself in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and understand fully that YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB.  The fact that your job was terminated does not make you any less than the wonderful, talented person you already are.  It really is the company’s loss, not yours.  Look at yourself in the mirror and actually say the words, “I am not my job.  I am still the wonderful, talented person I was before and I WILL make it through this.  I WILL find another job.” Once you can do this without feeling any doubt or reservation, you’re on your way to getting back on your feet.

Second, let your emotions rule — but not for too long. It’s OK to feel angry, guilty, or depressed.  It’s OK to watch TV and eat ice cream all day.  Let your emotions out and let them rule — but don’t let yourself get stuck there.  Set a time limit.  Tell yourself that, “Tuesday is my ‘feel-sorry-for-myself’ day.  The rest of the week I’ll be working full time on getting myself employed again.” Don’t try to keep your emotions bottled up inside.  That never works.  They’re going to eventually come pouring out and that’s OK — as long as they come out on your timetable, not theirs.

Next, don’t suffer in silence. Let everyone know you’ve been laid off.  Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed because you’ve lost your job.  Tell everyone you know — and even the people you don’t know — that you’ve been laid off.  First of all, the emotional support and encouragement will help lift you up.  Second, you never know when someone will know about a job opening somewhere.  So don’t suffer in silence.  Find a support group, or a networking group, or just hang out with your friends.  Now more than ever it’s important that you keep your social connections active.

Fourth, don’t kid yourself. It’s important that you stay rooted in reality when it comes to your finances.  If you need to modify your lifestyle, do so sooner rather than later.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can get a job anytime and therefore, you can afford to continue to spend like there’s no tomorrow.  Getting a new job takes time, especially nowadays with countless interviews, background and reference checks, medical and drug tests, and so on.  You need to plan for that.

Finally, get back out there with optimism and determination. You DO have talent.  You WILL find another job.  Sure, it’s a royal hassle going from place to place and filling out countless applications but that’s just part of the process.  You have to believe that each application, each interview, gets you a little bit closer to getting hired.  Your job hunting “engine” is fueled by optimism and determination so make sure you keep an ample supply of both.

Stay Healthy.

Throughout this process, make sure you keep your body healthy by eating right and exercising.  It’s OK to have some “comfort food” once in a while but don’t make it a routine part of your diet — and don’t forget to work it off with plenty of exercise.  Exercise and proper nutrition will help you work through those “poor me” periods and stay focused on moving forward towards a new job or career.

Keep The Faith.

In conclusion, keep your faith strong.  Things will get better.  Your life will eventually return to normal.  You will survive.

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy

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